On the outside looking

“I was on the outside looking in.”

      I was about ten years old when I first saw what abuse looked like, when my mother’s boyfriend hit me with a frying pan because I refused do what he asked. I was crying when my mother got home from work. She took one look at me bleeding face and said, “What’s the matter honey?” as she hugged the awful man. “She fell down darling that’s all, she just has a little scratch” he lied.  Then she said goodbye kissing him rigorously as I looked on disgusted.

When he was gone I told my mother he’d hit me with a frying pan because he told me to do …something and I didn’t. “What did Tom ask you to do honey?” she asked but I knew she didn’t believe me. “He told me to, to … take off my clothes…and”  “Enough” she cut me off looking rather displeased at me like I did some sort of crime.

      The next day she had to go to work and he stayed with me again but she told him what I’d said and he was angry. I was in my room I had just come out of the shower and I didn’t know he was there, he was waiting “Annabel, let me see your scar from yesterday darling” he ripped my towel away from me I felt tears running down my face then he slapped me across the face “stop crying, this wont hurt a bit” then he laughed and held me close to him and started taking off his clothes so I screamed but he slapped me harder and I fell to the floor. He got up  and locked the door.

     He took out a syringe and drove it into my hand and I started to feel light headed but I was conscious he tied my hands and legs to the bed posts and pushed three of his fingers into my vagina and I felt like I was going to explode, then he licked me all over my body I wanted to scream, kick, any thing but I was to weak to move.

     Then he pushed his penis into my mouth and into my vagina as he rode me I felt less human than I ever dreamed of being, he started laughing as rode me continually then I felt something rip and I felt warm blood trickling down my legs “ now you’re a woman” he said kissing me. Softly he whispers “Let’s try this again and it started all over again.”

     I woke up in my bedroom covered in blankets, with my clothes on as if it were just a horrible dream.

I heard loud strange noises coming from my mother’s room and went to see if she was ok.  At first I had much difficulty getting off the bed, I felt strange. I heard bump, bump, and bump. When I reached the entrance I heard her scream a scream that pierced me. I ran down stairs without thinking and dialed 919 the phone rang “Hello can I help you?” said a clam voice “yes my mother’s boy friend rapped me and he’s raping my mother please, please, help us” my voice didn’t sound like mine it sounded dry, husky and afraid “we’ll be right over dear stay put ok!” there was a sudden alarm in her voice now “yes ok” that was all I could say.  I remember the ambulance taking my mother’s dead body away, the police vehicle that carried that evil man “Tom” to his due charge.

      Now almost fifteen years later I was face with the same challenge this time I was on the outside looking in. “Annabelle did you get any leads on the murderer’s escape vehicle number?” “No Jerry, no one saw any thing” I said coming out of my daze… “Can’t let another rape/murder victim go unjustified, I will solve this case if it’s the last thing I do”. I was determined to catch this criminal and bring him/her to justice.